SPINE OF STRENGTH

Strength of a chain is judged through its weakest link.

Last ten years of my life on this planet have witnessed my spine deteriorating and in particular last five years have been very painful due to physical agony. However, faith in GOD coexisted with the pain. Prayer was not for getting rid of the pain but for grant of strength to remain absorbed in GOD in whatever physical condition I was destined to be in. I was making all efforts to turn around the pain in my favor by it making me stronger. I felt I was challenging my destiny by my resolve of not succumbing to the circumstances in which self pity and defeatist attitude would have been the natural course. I had big dreams of earning  a name in the art field.

No doctor, quack or friend understood my agony. 'Avoid Surgery and live a halfhearted life' was the advice and which I hated.

When do I practice fearlessness?

I wanted to, and resolved to turn my weak spine into Spine of Strength.

"Go for surgery" uttered by Dr Ashish Gupta, the spine surgeon, were the words my soul was yearning for to listen. GOD had sent a messenger out of his creations to get me out of the bottomless well of despair I was travelling into every moment and every breath. I was feeling excited about surgery and like an excited child was posing questions to the doctor related to life post surgery. Not once did any thoughts of  risk involved cross my mind.

I took this up as a spiritual exercise in which I had to convey to ALMIGHTY that I had all the resolve to follow the path of fearlessness shown to me by Him. I went dancing into the surgery while looking at the life beautiful on the other side.

Today in the shower when the hot water trickles down my spine (which has been reinforced with titanium rods and screws) a prayer emanates from my heart thanking ALMIGHTY for turning my weakest link into Spine of Strength and keeping my dreams of making it big in the art field intact.

THANK YOU DOCTOR for helping me in ways not known to you and giving me a new body and a new soul

PAINT HARD PRAY HARD

Two things in my life have happened without me putting in any deliberations or thought-first initiation into paintings and second initiation into spiritual quest. Both these have occurred at two instances separated by a gap of seventeen years, the first being in 1993 when I was posted at a high altitude area and the second in 2010 when I was posted in a naxal affected area.

Initiation into serious art primarily was guided by my urge to be in a creative field. It also provided me a second career option where I could enjoy freedom of existence which to a large extent gets curbed in a serious profession of soldiery. As I painted on, I discovered that I wanted to create something which our eyes do not see in the course of their scanning the universe. Incessant experimentation with different mediums and subjects was the hallmark of this phase which included my formal education of art.

Second event i.e initiation onto the path of spiritual quest resulted in change in my attitude and vision of life. Nanak’s teachings  became my  guide and his life my inspiration. I was going beyond the street perception of life to seek truth.  Material gains started getting relegated in my priorities. Canvas provided me a platform on which I could visibly implement the tough calls I was taking while walking on the path. GOD- my only guru, fearlessness and  deeper introspection were the main principles I was experimenting with. Hard work gave me a sense of fulfilment and supported my quest. While on the path , with my limited vision and very few grey cells in my skull, I got pushed into a clutter and my life energy was struggling to break free into calmness. This struggle manifested on my canvases and the resultant was existential feel oozing out of works.

When I look back and analyse, the stages of previous quarter of a century of my life could be summarised as –

          Initiation into painting  > Initiation on to spiritual path > Implementation of learning on canvas >Deeper quest with the canvas responding.

Today, I present myself not as a painter alone but a seeker for whom art  has become inseparable from the path and life itself. The gains expected from paintings are as nebulous as the resultant of spiritual quest. No amount of riches hold any significance in my life. Paintings give my life a meaning and a reason to exist.

Contrary to my earlier belief that if pushed to choose, I would give up painting for  spiritual quest, now I believe that my existence is because of my paintings and spiritual quest the guiding principles. I can not give up any. I paint, I exist. Spiritual quest has acquired a tangible form in  my works. I feel that my works are not abstract  but a physical manifestation of my spiritual quest and hence very real. Therefore they have a different appeal- though abstract in rendering they hide the real me.

Meditation occurs for a seeker when he stands in front of my works. I brand my paintings as ‘ Life enriching’.

                                                                                                     

GOD wants me to paint and hence has sent me to this world - #GOD #painthard #prayhard

ART - MY GURU

Creating art is no more an act I had envisaged it to be - that of making art and then disposing it off. It discreetly has enlarged its scope and engulfed my very being in it. My existence now is guided by it: it shows me a new path when my thinking is clouded, pulls me out of comfort zone where I am tempted to stay and live, provides me glimpses of new vistas when I reach the limits of my vision. IT TORTURES ME TO LIMITS AND WHEN IT SENSES THAT I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE, PROVIDES A PLACE TO REST.

It has become inseparable, has grown all over me and permeated my pores. Making art is no more a conscious effort but flows when it wishes to.

Almighty, Bestow me with the understanding that I don't ever hinder it's flow.